| As a dad who has lost a baby to miscarriage, I want to offer a few words to other men in similar circumstances. First, it is important to let yourself feel. Your wife is the one who was physically pregnant but that doesn't make it any less your baby. Let yourself feel whatever emotions come.
If possible, take time off of work and other responsibilities in order to allow yourself time to grieve. This loss is just as real as losing any other person you love. Your boss may or may not understand, but you need to do what is best for you and your wife at this point. The pain won't all come and go quickly. It takes time to heal.
People may say very insensitive, rude things to you. Grief is like a language. Unless you have experienced it personally, you can't really speak to others who are in the midst of it. People usually mean well; you have to let go of the hurtful comments even though they may make you upset.
Sometimes my wife, Elizabeth, would have a hard day and be very sad and I wouldn't be as sad those days. Sometimes she was the one who comforted me when I was hit with the grief. You won't grieve the same and that's ok. Don't get frustrated with yourself and turn off your feelings; they'll just come back later down the road. If you can take the time now to work through as much of the grief as possible, you will heal more completely.
I was blessed to have friends and family who understood my pain. If you have someone who is willing to listen to you, take advantage of it! It's amazing what just talking through it will do for you. I also found it helpful to write out my feelings on the computer or in a journal.
Above all, I felt comfort knowing that God was with me throughout my grief. Whatever form you need (talking, writing, exercising, praying, etc.), allow yourself to take those steps toward working through your painful loss.
--Billy
|