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If your son, daughter, friend, or other loved one has recently gone through the loss of a baby, there are specific things you can do to help.
1. Be intentional with your words. Saying thing like, "It's for the best," "You can try again soon," "I understand exactly what you are going through," or "At least you know you can get pregnant" are generally not well received comments. Instead, express your sympathy and love with comments such as "I'm sorry for your loss," "I'm sad with you," "I'm praying for you," "I know this is hard for you," "It's okay to cry," "I'm here if you want to talk about it."
2. Listening is one of the best gifts you can give to your grieving loved one. Even if they repeat themselves or aren't making much sense, your listening ear will be a help and a comfort.
3. Let yourself grieve as well. If the lost child was your grandchild, neice, nephew, etc., then you have also experienced a loss. Your tears and grief will not subtract from the parents' grief. If anything, it will confirm that the parents have a reason to be sad.
4. Offer to help...and follow through in practical ways. We received many meals that were prepared for us when I didn't have the energy to cook. You could also volunteer to watch their other children, do chores, or run errands.
5. Remember the date! While you will probably work through your grief quicker than the parents, it is still important to remind yourself of important days when their grief might be more intense. Holidays are often difficult, especially at first. There may be other significant dates like the day they found out about the pregnancy, the day the baby died, and the baby's due date. Acknowledging the parents' important grieving days means that you still care--and that it's ok for them to still feel sad. A simple card, phone call, or hug can communicate your care long after the miscarriage.
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