If you have children who are old enough to understand that their baby sibling has passed away, you can help them work through their own grief.
1. Allow the loss to be a family loss, not just a personal loss. Children are more touched by loss than we often realize.
2. Give them honest answers, appropriate to their developmental level. While you don't want to scare your children, it is important to be honest so they are not confused or frightened.
3. Help your children realize that pregnancy loss is not anyone's "fault."
4. Death is a difficult concept for children but you don't need to cover up what really happened ("we were wrong; there was no baby," etc.).
5. Let your children grieve and be sad, and let them see your own sadness. Encourage them to talk about the baby and miscarriage if they wish. Then again, some children have no interest in discussing these things, so don't press them to grieve if they are coping well.
6. If appropriate, you can create a small way for your older children to remember their baby sibling. A small photo album of ultrasound pictures, a special drawing or photo on their wall, or a special toy or stuffed animal can give children a tangible way to remember.
You can also see the Resources page for information about Heaven's Brightest Star, a picture book for children affected by infant loss.
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